simplify tox again now that we can exclude tests more easily

1. make sure pool._invalidate() sets the timestamp up before
invalidating the target connection.  we can otherwise show how the
conn.invalidate() + pool._invalidate() can lead to an extra connection
being made.
2. to help with that, soften up the check on connection.invalidate()
when connection is already closed. a warning is fine here
3. add a mutex to test_max_overflow() when we connect, because the way
we're using mock depends on an iterator, that needs to be synchronized

recycles the connection pool when a "disconnect" condition is detected;
instead of discarding the pool and explicitly closing out connections,
the pool is retained and a "generational" timestamp is updated to
reflect the current time, thereby causing all existing connections
to be recycled when they are next checked out.   This greatly simplifies
the recycle process, removes the need for "waking up" connect attempts
waiting on the old pool and eliminates the race condition that many
immediately-discarded "pool" objects could be created during the
recycle operation. fixes #2985

concurrent ability to return connections from the pool means that the
"first_connect" event is now no longer synchronized either, thus leading
to dialect mis-configurations under even minimal concurrency situations.

:class:`.RootTransaction` or :class:`.TwoPhaseTransaction`
with its immediate :class:`._ConnectionFairy` as a "reset handler"
for the span of that transaction, which takes over the task
of calling commit() or rollback() for the "reset on return" behavior
of :class:`.Pool` if the transaction was not otherwise completed.
This resolves the issue that a picky transaction
like that of MySQL two-phase will be
properly closed out when the connection is closed without an
explicit rollback or commit (e.g. no longer raises "XAER_RMFAIL"
in this case - note this only shows up in logging as the exception
is not propagated within pool reset).
This issue would arise e.g. when using an orm
:class:`.Session` with ``twophase`` set, and then
:meth:`.Session.close` is called without an explicit rollback or
commit.   The change also has the effect that you will now see
an explicit "ROLLBACK" in the logs when using a :class:`.Session`
object in non-autocommit mode regardless of how that session was
discarded.  Thanks to Jeff Dairiki and Laurence Rowe for isolating
the issue here. [ticket:2907]

events including auto-invalidation, which is useful both for tests here as well as
detecting failure conditions within the "reset" or "close" cases.
- rename the argument for PoolEvents.reset() to dbapi_connection and connection_record
to be consistent with everything else.
- add new documentation sections on invalidation, including auto-invalidation
and the invalidation process within the pool.
- add _ConnectionFairy and _ConnectionRecord to the pool documentation.  Establish
docs for common _ConnectionFairy/_ConnectionRecord methods and accessors and
have PoolEvents docs refer to _ConnectionRecord,
since it is passed to all events.  Rename a few _ConnectionFairy methods that are actually
private to pool such as _checkout(), _checkin() and _checkout_existing(); there should not
be any external code calling these